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Monday, February 28, 2011

Stll Here in Case You All Were Starting to Wonder

Hey All,

It's been a while, I realize that. One the other hand, it's absurd that it has only been about two months for me here at site, feels like ages ago that I rolled up here in the white PC vehicle and was dumped off...Weird how time works. And it has only been a shade over four months since I first arrived in Rwanda. Time's a strange lady, she is she is.

This past few weeks of teaching has been a rollercoaster, with every day and every minute affording me different emotions and a different outlook on whether things are going well, horribly, decent, or whether I'm too clouded to really know. I'm beginning to adjust to teaching, and believe I'm capable of doing it (whether I'm good at it is another issue), but I'm also realized it's not a passion of mine, not the act of teaching itself. There are joys in it, I've no doubt, but I guess what I'm saying is that I don't think I'm destined to be a lifelong educator, if that makes sense.

In other news, I'm settling into my new house, and adapting to living alone. It occurs to me that I've never exactly lived alone before, certainly not in this way and for such a long projected period of time. I enjoy my solitude as those of you who know me well are only too aware, but I'm also becoming increasingly cognizant of the fact that I have to work to keep myself from enjoying my solitude just a little toooo much...

The flip side is that I feel guilty for every moment I spend alone in my house. Like I'm being judged by all those in the community, considered weird for locking myself up inside. The reality is that one aspect of being a Peace Corps Volunteer is being a kind of ambassador in many ways, socializing and laughing and engaging people and everything else. While I had my moments back in college for brief stretches, I was never Mr. Socialize With Other People 24/7 on a regular basis, and I'd crave that time I could just unwind in solitude. That's not exactly an asset in my current situation, something I'm grappling with but so far managing to deal with pretty well. The random times when people will just visit you is a little alarming. Every time I'm about to go to eat breakfast or grade quizzes in my underwear in the living room area I check myself and at least throw on shorts lest somebody just pops up at my door for a visit...Which don't get my wrong is great most of the time because I need to integrate and interact with people and it suggests they are getting used to me, but at the same time it makes me rather anxious... Personal growth and challenges right, doesn't it go something like that?

My neighbors are great though and the little kids next door are really cute. We've played cards a couple of times and though I still don't exactly see the logic in the game they've taught me (that involves only like 36 cards out of a full deck the usual order of value from 10 Jack Queen King Ace is completely changed) but it's still fun. And their mother is a very kind and important woman in the community (and quite busy), which I'm coming to understand more and more as I speak to people in the area. I'd say with certainty that I was lucky that my housing did not get resolved and I ended up here.

The medical issue I was having is thankfully almost fully resolved, which will allow me to return to physical exercise after these weeks of very little exertion. Yesterday I walked up hill a long ways to go visit another teacher at my school and his wife and I was actually panting by the time I reached the top. Depressing? You bet ya...I might still have the heart to run a six court line drill or grind a 3 hour session in the Durham heat, but I don't think my body is primed for that right now, and I'm certain it'd give out on my pretty quickly.

Anyway, I finally got around to taking some photos of my new house and I'll try and upload them on here (if you don't see any it means uploading was a failure). It's a lot of space for one person but it's beginning to feel like home, day by day...

Well, I miss you all and hope everyone is doing well. I'll try and update this a little more regularly. Still no dice yet on electricity if/when it is ever possible, but I remain somewhat cautiously optimistic. In the meantime I'll do my best to stay in touch, I'm going to try my hand at navigating the market in just a bit. Monday is the "small market" day, but it still means about 10 times as many people as normal in my area, which means that I go from being the white guy people are starting to just just get used to/stare at a "little" less, to the circus show that I become on those days....




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